What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
