I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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