I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
