I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
