Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
