I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
