and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
