Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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