woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
