Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
