I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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