I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
