sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize