I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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