Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
