I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
