Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
