when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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