How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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