Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
