I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
