dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
