pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
