this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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