Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The beer is more important than you right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I need to align my fucking chakras
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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