my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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