I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
last night I used snow as a chaser
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
