I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Operation Purity has been aborted
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize