She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
