just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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