All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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