its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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