I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
