wakey wakey hands off snakey
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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