Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
