New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
