wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
