shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
