My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You need a sexual gate keeper
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
