Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dad just said "fuck circus"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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