please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize