Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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