Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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