When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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