Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
