I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
