butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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