they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
