ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
