guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
