my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
