The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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