Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Green mimosas i think yes
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
