Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
