Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
