He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
