just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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