Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
