What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
