Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
