I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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