A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
