Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
