Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
