Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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