I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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