Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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