We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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